Tuesday, October 23, 2012

What You Lookin' At, Little Girl?



Yes, I said it.  Ageplay.

There are certain facets of BDSM that make (some) people super-uncomfortable, and ageplay is (definitely) one of them.  But ageplay is a game of a thousand faces, like any realm of domination and submission, and it doesn't have to involve diapers.  (Diapers seem to scare people the most, I think.)

I actually did explore that aspect of ageplay in a novella I wrote called "Nanny State," and the process of writing that book was actually incredibly illuminating.  My girlfriend, who happens to be *mumble-mumble* years older than I am, edited the manuscript for me and it sparked incredible discussions that we'd kind of held at bay until then.

"Age doesn't matter."

Isn't that what people say when they're involved with a romantic partner whose age is vastly different from their own?  Or is that just what the younger person says while the older one nods knowingly?

All my adult life, I've been involved with people who were older than me, and in most cases, significantly so.  If it's a trend, I guess I can't say "age doesn't matter," because I've obviously got a key demographic in my sights.

When I was in my twenties, I was involved with a man who would absolutely NOT use our age differential as a sexual tool.  Spanking was the most taboo word in that relationship.  He was old enough to be my father, and that made him so uncomfortable I'm amazed he didn't explode.

Now I'm partnered with a wonderful woman who is much more open to discussing topics that make (most) people uncomfortable.  It's been a revelation, in many respects, but working on Nanny State together really opened us up to possibilities we never imagined exploring.

If I slip up in conversation and call my girlfriend "Mom" (which has happened more than once), it doesn't upset her psychologically.  It doesn't make her re-evaluate whether we should be a couple.  No, it makes her laugh.  She always recognized that undercurrent and, what's more, she believes that the parent/child dynamic exists within every relationship, whether people are friends, family, lovers, same age or not.  (She's Freud to my Jungian schooling, but we make it work. LOL)

So you probably won't be surprised that the older/younger dynamic shows up in a great deal of my writing.  Like my Christmas story Naughty: Full to Bursting, available here at Torquere.  In that story, Wanda is a little older than Janelle, and calls her "little girl," which Janelle likes even though she doesn't really want to like it.

What do you say?  Does ageplay squick you or is it awesome?  Or neither?  Are there realms of BDSM that you wouldn't ever explore?

Comment away, my friends!
Giselle Renarde
Canada just got hotter!


Liz Brooks said...

Hmmm, this is a tricky one. For me, I enjoy reading a relationship with an experienced/inexperienced dynamic, but I don't generally think of it as *age*play, necessarily, because I particularly enjoy those kinds of "corrupting the innocent" scenes when they're turned on their heads, for instance with the younger partner schooling the elder.

As to actual ageplay... scenes meant to evoke anything smacking of pedophilia (e.g., diapers and even, to some extent, schoolgirl uniforms) squick me out a bit. But I could totally get behind a (college) student/professor scene, for instance.

As always, communication with your partner (and/or accurate book blurbs, lol) seem to be key. :-)

CB Conwy said...

You said the "D" word! Which I'm pretty sure I wasn't ready for;).

But, well, you touch on something that I've been thinking a lot about when I write - even though I'm thinking difference in experience, not in age.

There's nothing more exciting to me than writing about one man guiding another toward greater understanding of all things kinky (and perhaps himself, as well). It was actually a bit of a shock to me when I realized that it often means writing about lovers with an age gap - because I'm not really into the whole "youth is everything" thing. Quite the contrary; I like my men experienced. Well, perhaps that's why this topic is such a turn-on for me:)!
CB Conwy

Kristi P said...

Large age differences are common in my family (19 years, 10 years, 8 years are just a few of the larger differences in age), so it doesn't seem out of the norm to me. Ageplay can be great to read if the characters are interesting!

I'm sure anything involving excrement would squick me right out, but I don't know enough about what's out there to think of anything else.

What do you enjoy most about writing kink?

Giselle Renarde said...

Actually, I think what I enjoy most about writing kink is discovering or developing new kinks. Before I started writing erotica, I was pretty vanilla. I wouldn't have thought so at the time (particularly in my late teens and early twenties when I knew EVERYTHING), but looking back, I can't think of anything particularly kinky that I was into. I'm sure in ten or fifteen years, I'll look back and see my thirty-something self as pretty vanilla, too.

I don't think I ever set out to write kink. It just sort of... happened... and took me along for the ride.